


You Are Not Alone (I Will Always Be By Your Side)

by Nikka001



Series: Our Lives Can Still Go On [1]
Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Anxiety, Canonical Character Death, Caring Riley Davis, Comfort Songs, Crying, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e05 Jack + Kinematics + Safe Cracker + MgKNO3 + GTO, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Angus Macgyver (Macgyver 2016), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Mac needs a hug, Or Therapy, Panic Attacks, Pre-Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts, Survivor Guilt, loss of a loved one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28810224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikka001/pseuds/Nikka001
Summary: After so much time keeping it all bottled up inside, Mac finally has to let it out. Luckily, Riley is there to help him through the pain.
Relationships: Riley Davis & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Riley Davis/Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Series: Our Lives Can Still Go On [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2112213
Comments: 16
Kudos: 114





	You Are Not Alone (I Will Always Be By Your Side)

**Author's Note:**

> I want to start off by saying that this is my first MacGyver Fic so I really hope I did them justice. Also, I apologize in advance for any ugly crying that may occur due to said story. I really wanted to write what I feel is sort of a missing piece from the end of the episode and I talked to my sister about it and decided that this was the way I wanted to go. I really, really hope you guys enjoy it. 
> 
> Trigger Warning: There is a panic attack depicted in this story - albeit, not a heavy one and it doesn't last very long but it's there - and there is sort of some alluding to self-harm/suicide. It's kind of a 'squint-or-you-miss-it' alluding, but it's there. At least, it is in my mind when I read it. If you don't feel comfortable with any of that, please feel free to stop now. I don't want anyone reading anything that might cause more harm. 
> 
> That being said, if you do decide to continue on, then please do and let me know what you think in the comments below. 
> 
> -Annika

* * *

The banging coming from the bathroom is what wakes them all up. It’s not loud necessarily, just startling. It only lasts for a few seconds and then the next thing they hear is the sound of shuddering sobs and sniffles. They all exchange glances with one another but it’s Riley who notices the absence of their resident genius first. Her eyes snap from his seat over to the bathroom door and within seconds she’s up and headed for the back of the jet, Desi and Russ waiting behind with Bozer. 

Riley grabs the handle for the door and pulls but when nothing happens, she slaps her hand against the door and leans in close. “Mac. It’s Riley. Can you open the door for me, please?”

The only noise she gets in response is the sound of his sobs getting raspy and sounding more and more out of control. 

_ A panic attack,  _ she thinks as she rests her forehead against the door and breathes deeply. She’s had her fair share of them over the years so it doesn’t surprise her that she knows exactly what is happening. 

“Mac, I know it’s hard, okay? I know that losing Jack is like losing a piece of yourself and you know that I know that, but I need you to just breathe, okay? Just listen to my voice and breathe,” she pleads with him, silent tears running down her cheeks now that she knows how bad he’s really hurting. 

His voice comes through the sobs, low and raspy from the other side, “C-can’t...b-b-breathe…”

“Try, Mac, please, just try.”

“I...I can’t...Riley, please,” he cries out, and her heart breaks. 

She jiggles the handle again but no such luck. “What is it, Mac? What do you need? I need you to tell me.”

Another sob and then, “It should’ve b-been me.”

She hears the sharp intakes of breath from the rest of the team behind her and it confirms that she did in fact hear what she thought she heard. 

“No, Mac stop, okay? What are you talking about?”

The sobs have quieted down but she can still hear how off and raspy his breathing is and it turns her blood cold. She knows the sound of those breaths. She knows that voice. She’s sounded like that herself once or twice and that scares her more than anything. Because she knows what usually comes next and it’s ugly, and jagged, and angry. And Mac is none of those things. 

“I should’ve been the one to die this time. Not Jack.”

“Mac, stop.” Desi steps forward but one look from Riley and a hand on her shoulder from Bozer has her freezing and returning to her place next to Russ.

Riley shifts her gaze from Desi over to Bozer, lowering her voice to a whisper, “I’m gonna keep him talking but I need you to try and find something to get this door open. Now.” 

Bozer simply nods his head in response and then immediately uses his crutches to start hobbling around the cabin, Russ already searching around on his side. 

Turning back to the door, Riley slumps down until she’s kneeling and has both her hands and forehead resting on the door. “Mac,” she says calmly while trying to listen to his breathing, “I know you feel guilty, alright? But so do I. And so does Matty probably. But there was nothing that any of us could’ve done. We know that even more so now, right?”

“I should’ve saved him. Riles, I should’ve been able to save him but I—” another wave of guilt-ridden panic cuts him off, and before she knows it, his breathing gets erratic once more. 

She curls her hand into a fist and bangs it against the door. “Dammit! Mac, please! Please just, just breathe, okay? Please! Please, Mac, please, I-I-I can’t...I can’t lose you too!” she cries against the locked door, banging her fist against it again and again until she feels like it’s going to fall off and then slumps against it. She needs to get the door open. She needs to see Mac with her own two eyes and hold him in her arms and tell him that it’s okay. That everything will be alright.

She breathes heavily as she leans her entire weight against the door and closes her eyes, trying hard to get her own breathing and panic under control. She can’t lose it. Not when Mac needs her. She needs to find a way to get him to hear her. To listen to her long enough to distract him from the thoughts that she knows are going through his head.

Laying her hand flat against the door, Riley sits up and draws in a shaky breath before singing out softly, “ _ Just two good ol’ boys, never meaning no harm. Beats all you never saw, been in trouble with the law, since the day they were born.”  _

She knows the lyrics to the song like she knows the back of her hand and has Jack to thank for that. After a particularly bad mission, when none of them felt like talking, Jack ushered both her and Mac to his place and insisted on educating them on the wonders that were Bo and Luke Duke. They sat for hours watching episode after episode until all three of them were singing the theme song word for word at the top of their lungs.

As she’s opening her mouth to sing the next line, she’s interrupted by the tell-tale sound of Mac’s voice coming from the other side of the door. It’s faint, barely above a whisper, but he must be sitting close enough to the door for her to be able to hear him.

_ “ _ _ Straightenin' the curves, flattenin' the hills. Someday the mountain might get 'em, but the law never will.” _

A relieved smile tugs at her lips and she lets out a shuddered breath. “Hey, Mac? Could you do me a favor now and open the door? I think we’d all really feel better if we could see you again.” 

She’s met with silence and instantly worries that maybe she’s lost him already. Maybe him singing back wasn’t anything. Maybe it was just him trying to appease her. She’s ready to bang on the door again when she hears the light scraping of the lock against the door on the other side and realizing what’s happening, she sits back on her heels and lifts herself up off the ground. As she stands, and as the door slowly slides open, they all hold their breaths; none of them are ready for what version of Mac might be on the other side. 

Riley takes a step back to give him some room as the door opens completely and Mac slowly emerges from the other side. His face is flushed, cheeks stained with tears, and hair a mess as he steps into the cabin to rejoin the others. She can hear them all take a breath but that’s all that she can hear, her mind only focusing on the scarred man in front of her. 

When he lifts his eyes from the floor to meet hers, he lets out a strangled sob, “Riles.”

She’s on him in an instant as he crumples to the floor, her arms around his neck pulling him close and his arms encircling her waist, his hands gripping tight to the back of her jacket. Mac buries his face in her neck and his body shakes as he sobs. Riley knows she’s crying too and she’s pretty sure that if she looked back, she wouldn’t be alone in that regard. 

“Shh, it’s okay,” she whispers as she kisses the top of his head and rubs his back with one hand while still keeping her other hand firmly on the back of his neck to keep him close. “It’s okay now, Mac. I’ve got you. I’ve got you now. It’s okay.”

She knows it’s a lie; that nothing will ever really be okay ever again, but it’s all that she has right now. It’s all any of them have right now. The faith that someday, far down the line, maybe something will finally be okay. And maybe it will be sooner or maybe it’ll be later but, one thing is for sure, none of them will ever have to deal with it alone.


End file.
